Black sesame banana bread
What to bake when you're a twenty-something who doesn't know what to do with their life
You know when you’re just trying to read a recipe but you end up reading someone’s whole life story just to get to it?
That is this blog post.
Growing up, I laughed at the twenty-somethings who were wandering and confused in life.
But here I am: 21, in my senior year of college, I still have no idea what I want to do in life. 18 year-old me who came into college pre-law with a 5-year plan would be scandalized.
A few quotes that have been on my mind lately:
“I’ve been thinking a lot recently about success and I'm scared it’s only because I feel closer to failure than I ever have.” — Sarah Keene
Are you breathing a little and calling it a life?” — Mary Oliver
“I aspire to do less” — Overheard from a friend
To tell you the truth, being in this position scares the heck out of me. Throughout college, I’ve tried a variety of careers: Business consultant. Pastry chef. Journalist. It’s been fun but also when I get anxious, I think: Let’s face it — I’m not Barbie. I can’t just cycle through careers because I have the outfit for it.
With less than a year before I graduate, I feel time is running out.
Looking around at my peers, it’s easy to feel like I’ve fallen behind. There’s that familiar urge to figure it out. Have a plan. Get it together.
That sounds like a good idea on the surface. But I wonder if achievement has just become my go-to vice when I feel unmoored. That somehow feels easier than figuring out how to actually enjoy the journey itself.
But if there’s one thing I want to hold on to from this summer it’s the idea that I can enjoy the journey.
This summer, I worked as a reporter for the first time. Coming in with basically no reporting experience, I ended up writing multiple front page stories.
I learned a lot and am extremely grateful to have had the opportunity. But if there’s one regret I have it’s that I wish I enjoyed the journey more.
In the first half of my internship, I struggled heavily with imposter syndrome. Though I was pushing myself as hard as I could, I constantly wondered if I was doing enough. As an introvert, approaching people on the street and interviewing strangers also was challenging.
Knowing what I know now, I wish I could tell my past self I was doing fine. As proud as I am of what I accomplished, if I could go back and relax more, even if it meant I produced less, I would.
I see now that accomplishment is no substitute for contentment.
My favorite moment this summer wasn’t when I saw my name on the front page, but when I was simply reading poetry in a park. As the night turned to dusk, the laughter of kids from the playground faded, and the words of Mary Oliver sunk into my soul, I felt my worries fall away.
In that moment, I was ambition-less. Content. It was utter bliss.
It’s weird — Contentment is a slippery thing. It seems that at least once every season of life I have a moment where I remember Hey! maybe I should just learn to be happy with what I have and where I’m at. But all too soon that realization slips from my mind and I’m back to the daily hamster wheel of do more. Be more. Push harder.
Looking ahead, I realize that the task at hand for me is not so much having it all figured out but simply figuring out how to enjoy the journey.
That’s where this black sesame banana bread recipe comes in.
I’m not very good at prioritizing the process as much as the product, but one of the few places I actively enjoy the journey is baking.
I don’t bake for the final product. Sure, I have an unhealthy obsession with cake and tend to steal impatient bites of the batter before I put it in the oven, but I bake because I love baking itself. There’s something so satisfying about just mixing ingredients together.
When it comes to career, I’m hoping that all the different experiences I’ve had will also come together.
It’s no coincidence that as my stress rose throughout the summer, I found myself turning to baking again and again.
My favorite bake of the summer was this black sesame banana bread. I took my favorite banana bread recipe and added black sesame — a flavor I’ve been obsessed with since I was a kid (long before it became *trendy*).
I remember the first time I tried banana bread. A lady from church gave my Chinese family some homemade loaves and I ate it still warm on the car ride home: just sticky hands, smeared chocolate chips, and smiles. Since then, banana bread has been the ultimate comfort food for me.
As I continue to figure out my future, I know I’ll be going back to this recipe: a reminder of comfort, childhood, and the sweetness possible on the journey home.
Black sesame banana bread recipe
I decided to make my own black sesame banana bread recipe after not finding what I wanted online.
How this recipe differs from others:
Black sesame in every bite: A lot of recipes do a black sesame swirl but as a black sesame obsessive, that wasn’t enough for me: I want black sesame everywhere! This recipe has 3 layers of black sesame: black sesame powder, black sesame seeds swirled throughout, and black sesame seeds sprinkled on top for ultimate black sesame flavor.
Instead of tahini, brown butter: I found that many other black sesame banana bread recipes use tahini but that’s simply not an ingredient I often have in my fridge. Instead, I noticed that all my favorite banana bread recipes use butter as the main fat. I opt to brown the butter to complement the toasty flavor of black sesame.
An uber moist, yet springy crumb: My ideal banana bread is the best of both worlds: extremely moist but with a tight enough crumb for a thick slice that won’t fall apart. This recipe has 4 bananas for moistness while the butter ensures a springy crumb.
RECIPE
1/2 cup butter
1 cup granulated sugar
4 ripe bananas
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 ¼ cup all-purpose flour
¼ cup black sesame powder (See Note #1 on where to find it)
¼ cup roasted black sesame seeds
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
To top:
1 tbsp roasted black sesame seeds
1 tbsp sugar, preferably turbinado
Pinch of maldon flakey sea salt
METHOD
Brown the butter: In a medium saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Keep a close eye on it and stir occasionally to prevent the bits on the bottom from burning. Once the butter is browned (when it smells fragrant and turns the color of dark amber), pour into a heatproof bowl and put in the fridge to cool (about 15 mins.)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a loaf pan with parchment, lightly grease, and set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together cooled brown butter and sugar until thoroughly combined (2-3 mins, no hand mixer necessary!)
Mash bananas and add to butter and sugar mixture. Mix until combined.
Add vanilla extract and eggs one at a time. Mix until combined.
In a separate bowl, whisk together dry ingredients: flour, black sesame powder, black sesame seeds, baking soda, and salt. Fold in dry ingredients to batter until just combined.
Pour batter into prepared loaf pan. Sprinkle top with black sesame seeds, sugar, and maldon salt.
Bake for 50-60 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean and the bread springs back when touched.
NOTES:
You can buy black sesame powder in a tub at your local Asian supermarket. Alternatively, make your own by blending roasted black sesame seeds.
Don’t be scared by the 1 cup of sugar — it may look like a lot but it comes out not too sweet!
Brown butter can be made a day or two in advance so the batter comes together quickly.
